Charles Green Bush: "Civilization begins at home." (11-26-1898)

General Research Division, The New York Public Library. (1898 - 1938). "Civilization begins at home." Retrieved from (https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/baced180-c607-012f-777f-58d385a7bc34)

"Civility can only be meaningfully measured in eons.
It inescapably tries our patience."

Perhaps the major complaint I hear against social media in general and scrolling in particular harps about the incivility found there. People, freed of face-to-face constraints, speak altogether too freely, as if civility didn’t actually matter, as if the rules of engagement had suddenly been suspended. This complaint seems unquestionably true. We do do that to each other: sister to brother, neighbor to neighbor, stranger to stranger. Who hasn’t failed to catch themself before committing some public truth probably much better left unspoken? Who hasn’t had to crouch way down, failing to avoid some judgmental frown, or been the source of the same aimed toward some other sinner, as if they’d never failed in public themself. We seem to have known no shame when we shame, to alone stand innocent of anyone’s blame. The primary criticism of social media might be that it too effectively amplifies our hypocrisy.

Leaving Facebook won’t cure this because Facebook was never the cause. It served as a temporary space where anyone might publicly lose face. We’re each prone to lose control, especially when we’re surrounded by others exhibiting even less control than we feel we possess, which might well be much less than we’d wish for them or for ourselves. The seductions seem endless, but then we’re in a context where we might be influenced by any random presence. One individual acting up can utterly shift a context. Those even temporarily lacking firing discipline can watch themselves engaging in unimaginable abominations: Buying into ungenerous insinuations. Reposting some hyperbolic criticism without first checking its source. We each contribute to the echo chamber we also endlessly refuse to recognize our contributions to. This, alone, might fully justify unscrolling.

But what’s the alternative? Civility might have been intended for deployment between more than merely the already civil. It might even be most effectively deployed on the street, where it might appear to belong to a distinct and underappreciated minority. Perhaps that minority status serves as the deeper point of civility. It might not be the sort of thing that wins the most votes. Incivility seems to have always been the crowd pleaser. OutCivility seems more personal in comparison. A choice made for something other than gaining popularity points. One made expressly not to disappear into a predictably unruly crowd. Not deployed as a snide criticism. Not to masterfully silence anyone or to put anyone in their rightful place. In practice, OutCivility seems like something designed to encourage something almost opposite to popular support. There are no contests to determine who encourages the most civility. It’s neither a spectator sport nor a spectacle. It just is.

It might be that we best retain who we were supposed to be when we’re the most outwardly civil, with ourselves as well as with each other. When we’re not even thinking about trying to score points. When we’re merely tacitly decent. Not trolling for recognition or appreciation, when we’re not trolling at all. Civilly scrolling entails much not commenting, choosing instead in each borderline insensed instant not to comment, not to set the original poster or follow-on commenter straighter, as if to finally set the world right. It might be the dog that doesn’t bark or bite. OutCivility might be ninety parts forbearance to ten parts acceptance, the belief that we’re mostly here to witness rather than to reform. OutCivility certainly takes on some of the greater challenges, but usually more effectively than by storming another castle with pitchforks and torches, however justified that action might seem in any moment.

I remain outraged, just as many of the most prolific social media creators seem to encourage, but I am not about to lose my hard-won and hard-held civility in response. I do not consider either inciting anger or casting stones to be particularly reasonable responses. I know the opposition holds even fewer scruples than I can imagine, and that they consider civility to be a potentially dangerous contagion. Why else would they so fervently invite people to lose their cool? Cooler heads almost always prevail, but only after the hotheads fill the headlines with incivility and outrage. I’m not doing nothing. I am steadfastly maintaining what might ultimately bring the mess into better balance. The shelf life of social media outrage gets measured in seconds. Civility can only be meaningfully measured in eons. It inescapably tries our patience.

©2026 by David A. Schmaltz - all rights reserved

Tags: #Unscrolling, #PureSchmaltz